Right Mastectomy T-Shirt
“I decided early on in my cancer journey not to have reconstructive surgery.
I knew that my goal was to be in hospital for as little time as possible, and for recovery to be straightforward. My priority was to be at home, as carer and home- educating Mum to Ramona.
I did my research and found that there are many women who “go flat” after bilateral and unilateral mastectomies; I even found an online support group called “Flat Friends”. I also discovered that many women get tattoos over the area to reclaim their body from cancer.
Yes, I thought – that’s me.
It didn’t take me long to figure out that I probably didn’t want to wear a prosthesis either, or a “foob” as it’s known in the breast cancer world. I had been automatically booked in for an appointment to get fitted for a prosthesis, so I decided to go anyway and, quite literally, try it on for size.
The prosthetic technician eyed me up and guessed my bra size instantly – very impressive! She found the correct size prosthesis and I tried it on.
I cannot recall this next moment without a shiver running through my whole body: I looked in the mirror and saw that I looked just like me. Well, “before” me.
“There you go, you look great – you’ve got a cleavage again” said the technician.
In this moment I felt a wave of dysphoria unlike anything I have ever felt before. She meant well, I’m sure, but I was hearing that a woman is only a woman when she has two lumps of flesh pushed together pleasingly for all to observe.
“What kind of patriarchal bullshit is this?!” I thought. I reached down, pulled out the foob and lobbed it across the room.
I took a moment to compose myself.
“No, no I don’t have a cleavage. I have one breast. I won’t be needing this – thank you” I said calmly.
The technician said she was sorry to offend me, but not everyone was as “okay about it” as I am.
As I explained it to her, it’s not that going through this has been a breeze – far from it. My body has been through hell, but it felt that by wearing the prosthesis I would be expressing that my previous body shape was superior. That felt shameful. I knew I wanted to embody my body and love it fiercely, not hide it away.
This is not everyone’s decision, and it’s a highly personal one to make. My Mum Vina had a mastectomy in later life, and she doesn’t feel complete until she puts her squishy foob in every day. In fact, Mum was at the appointment with me and I was allowed to give the gift of a brand new foob to her instead.
My other Mum Jo (my Mum in-law) got me a t-shirt with a right mastectomy print to wear with pride. It shows a scar on one side, and a boob on the other. When I wear it, I get knowing looks (mainly from women), massive smiles, hugs (!) and, a couple of times, tears.”
SJ
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