Like a ton of bricks on my head

Like a ton of bricks on my head

Letterbox

I asked: the universe answered

Consistency is a word I consistently think about. Consistency is something I want to aim for, am intimidated by, have occasionally attained and maintained before falling off the horse yet again. Consistency in writing words and music, in communicating with fans of my music, in making videos and podcast episodes. It can feel like the key to success – which means I only have myself to blame if I stumble. It can be maddening. But it can give me great hope. Maybe some of this is under my control.

In my last piece I asked “What do I do now”…now that my album is out, now that the adrenaline has spiked and now that the world’s attention has moved on to the next person’s new and exciting thing.

This blog is called “Do Stuff ∴ Stuff Happens” (the ∴ sign means “therefore”). In my experience, the minute I stop sending things out into the world, almost all feedback stops: sales, emails, comments. I’m feeling that particularly acutely at the moment. It’s only been 5 weeks and 6 days since “House Of Stories” came out, and it feels like I imagined the whole thing.

2.5 weeks ago, in the interests of creating my own momentum again, I returned from my holiday in Naples with a new “ideal week” schedule in my calendar and set myself to work. I got back to the gym. I started running again after many moons. I did yoga. I meditated. I wrote 1000 words every morning. I started my tax return. I spent a satisfying day clearing my very overgrown garden and planning some home improvements. I plotted future music releases. I started prepping for my first gig in 5.5 years (2 days from now). I made a list of all the videos I want to make. I felt frazzled, but not aimless. I hate feeling aimless.

And then I got the news. My Gran had died in her sleep. She was 95.

Six days before that call, I visited her in her care home and we hung out for a few hours in her room. We ate sandwiches cut into triangles (she pulled her nose up at the cheese ones and offered them to me), had tea and biscuits (she picked out one Jammie Dodger), and chatted about this and that. She told me she was 85, and I didn’t correct her – I’m not a monster.

She said “Everything is heavy now” while she was lifting her teacup, but merrily ate her lunchtime ice cream. I held the bowl up for her so it wouldn’t drip.

“That’s a good idea”, she said. I felt helpful.

It was another ordinary visit – except that for the first time ever I didn’t get to say “goodbye”.

I didn’t know it was going to be our last visit.

After years of fierce independence, my Gran had been in and out of hospital for 2-3 years with varying degrees of drama. During these times I always made sure to thank her, tell her I loved her, make sure she knew how inspiring she was to me and how glad I was she was still with us. I sat by so many hospital beds I lost count, folded into all sorts of painful postures over the hard plastic so I could lean over to hold her hand, give her a neck massage, file her nails, moisturise her hands, put dry shampoo in her hair, hold up cups, bottles, straws, bowls, whatever she needed. Always careful not to force my help, infantilise, reduce. Sometimes she needed my help, sometimes she didn’t. I wanted her to know she could always have it. I think she did.

This is what we do for each other.

I often tried to imagine what it must be like for her, having held me as a baby, watching me grow and change over the years, now seeing this woman in her 40s show up in all these different places. When she looked at me did she see the blonde baby, the blossoming teen, the independent 20-year old, 30-year old, 40-year old? When she looked at my face, was it a blur of memories?

When I arrived for our last visit Gran wasn’t in her room. It was like that scene in the movie where the relative arrives just too late to see their loved one – but nothing bad had happened, she was just hanging out in the lounge with the other residents. I sat down and waited. When the cheerful orderly wheeled her in, Gran smiled and said “I knew it would be you”. I felt proud, but also relieved – every time I went to see her I braced myself for the possibility she wouldn’t know who I was. I feel so fortunate that never happened.

Gran wasn’t particularly chatty that day, but neither was I. Exhausted from travelling home from Italy the day before, then driving 2 hours from Nottingham, I sat quietly, hoping Gran would agree our long silences were companionable ones.

Sometimes I found it hard to think of things to say. When she moved into the care home at the start of the year I hoped a whole new topic of conversation would open up: “You’ll never guess what so-and-so said!”“That singer they had the other day was great/good/rubbish” – that sort of thing. But it didn’t happen – or at least she didn’t share those stories with me.

We usually talked about her exciting past growing up on the canal boats in Runcorn, walking with Tommy the horse as he pulled the family and their cargo along the water. Her face always lit up when I asked questions about her time living in Hong Kong, Malaya (as it was known when she lived there) and Cyprus with my Grandad Chris (who she survived by 34 years), my Mum and my Auntie.

On this day, she squinted and gestured towards my armfuls of tattoos.

“Are those for life?”

“Yes, Gran.” I rolled my eyes in the same funny way she liked rolling hers, and she smiled.

We talked about the tattoo she was going to get one day, a running jokey conversation that started a few years ago during a visit my sister and I made together.

“Come on then, what tattoo are you going to get?” I asked.

She didn’t hesitate. “A butterfly.”

“Very cool.”

“I’m not ready to give up yet”, she added.

“I’m very pleased to hear it”, I said.

Every time I said “Bye Gran, I love you” she would grab my hand and hold it tightly. She did this as far back as I can remember. It was a thing. She did it to everyone she liked – I have a vivid memory of her doing it to my brother’s handsome schoolfriend in the mid ‘90s. She’d grab on and say “I love you very much” and you’d have to gently pull your hand away, then wave all the way to the door, or the car. She would always stand at her front door, waving and waving.

On this day, I went to get a status update from the care home manager to pass on to my Mum. We had a good chat, and I thanked her and the team for everything they were doing to keep my Gran safe and comfortable.

When I got back to her room she wasn’t there – again. I noticed her mobile phone wasn’t working, and that the charger had gone missing – again. I drove to the local shopping centre and picked out a baby pink one, mostly because Gran liked pink things but because I thought it would be less borrow-able / steal-able. To seal the deal I wrote her name on it in gold Sharpie.

I went back to the home. She was still living it up in the lounge – no visitors allowed there. I put the charger next to her bed and plugged her phone in.

“That was a good visit”, I thought as I drove away.

No fuss. No drama. No big goodbyes. Just love.

Always love.

I scheduled last week’s “What do I do now?” post a full week before it was published, in a flurry of creativity, productivity and consistency.

When I asked that question, I didn’t know the answer would come down on me like a ton of bricks.

What do I do now?

I cry. I write. I talk to my family. I remember snippets of conversations from 44 years of being loved by someone who isn’t here any more. I cry some more. I declutter every room in my house in a frenzy because I can’t focus on anything else for more than a few minutes. (I find a card from her tucked down the side of a shelf while doing so, and cry again.) I feel really stupid about that one bratty thing I remember saying to her when I was a teenager. I feel glad I got all those hours with her in hospitals and A&E departments to have the conversations that don’t usually happen in calm living rooms. I remember that it’s my birthday on Sunday and for the first time ever she won’t be thinking about me. I listen to podcasts about processing emotion. I force myself to exercise every morning so I allow myself to feel worse than I already do. I remember our last shopping trip together (her last shopping trip ever) when all she wanted was a Greggs sausage roll and to walk systematically up and down every aisle at TK Maxx looking at every item and enjoying its existence in the world. I wake in the mornings feeling angry, or sad, or both. I worry that I’ll forget her voice, and kick myself for being too shy to ask if we could record some of her stories, years ago, before all the hospital beds. I feel relieved that I don’t have any regrets, and lucky that I got to spend a few more normal hours with her in the last week of her time on this planet. I miss her.

I feel proud that I turned up so consistently for her over the past few years and created a new, deeper relationship with her. I didn’t plan it, I just kept trying to do what I thought was right.

I’m so glad I did.

So, what do I do now? I keep trying to do little things that matter, allowing the sadness to overtake me and flow through my body. I remember her, and I feel so lucky.

Last Thursday I went and got her butterfly tattoo. No regrets.

Yes Gran, these are for life.

Love you forever.
Laura xxx

Huge thanks Helaina at Rest In Pieces Tattoo in Nottingham for the beautiful tattoos and a lovely calm afternoon x


NEXT

Thank you for visiting!

🎁 Tap to get your FREE 12-track album + 31-page PDF zine of stories, photographs and artwork here.

🏠 My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!

❤️ Join The Correspondent’s Club on Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)

🎸 Listen to my first Penfriend album “Exotic Monsters” and browse my back catalogue here.

🎨 If you make things too – or want to know more about the creative process – I’m sharing thoughtful weekly essays here on my experiments in art, music and life on Substack (and I won’t be at all offended if you prefer to read my stuff there rather than on this absolutely gorgeous website).

💬 Chat with me on BlueskyTwitterInstagram and Facebook.

See you soon xo



PS yes, my songs are available everywhere else you listen to music online.
Just search for Penfriend, She Makes War and Obey Robots.

You could even subscribe here to send a message to the algorithm overlords that Penfriend rocks!

Better still ⤵️

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What Do I Do Now? (I thought I had it sorted)

What Do I Do Now? (I thought I had it sorted)

Creativity Letterbox Mindfulness Process

On Friday 25th April 2025 my seventh solo album “House Of Stories” reached #2 in the Official UK Independent Albums Chart.

I recorded and released the album from my attic home studio The Launchpad in Nottingham through emails, social media posts and Facebook ads. No manager/label/press/radio.

This sort of thing shouldn’t really be possible. Music fans are absolutely amazing.

The next day I walked out of an art workshop in floods of tears and stood by a lake watching a Eurasian Coot dive for treasure to make a nest with. The plucky little bird dove and dove, bringing up all sorts of interesting bits and bobs clasped in its beak. A slice of slippery algae, bright green; a thin branch three times its width; a clot of unidentified mush dripping with water. Sure in its choices, the bird added each new piece of treasure to a floating mass, then swam away in a big circle, returning to dive – collect – add, dive – collect – add.

I was fully aware of the metaphor at the time, but it didn’t get me back inside the building.

I wasn’t ready to dive back into my memories to create a map for an art workshop, however engaging and fun the facilitator was (and she was), and however supportive the environment was (and it was). The well was empty of stories; I had only tears to give.

I didn’t want to make a scene, so I left quietly to cry it out, calm down and return to class. But I couldn’t calm down, and I couldn’t return.

Younger Me would have been horribly embarrassed; Current Day Me knows when she’s in the wrong place and gets out as fast as possible, as politely as possible. Current Day Me does not hide the tears. Current Day Me cannot hide the tears.

The Sleeper song “What Do I Do Now?” popped into my head when I started thinking about writing this, even though only the title is relevant. It’s a brilliant song, much loved to this day by me, but I’m lucky that being stuck in a bad or confusing relationship is not my current experience.

Gratitude is a helpful emotion to centre at times like these.

My current experience is a mix of emotions. I’m not trying too hard to figure it out; it feels smarter to just let the feelings wash over and through me while trying to get back into good healthy habits and making semi-sensible plans for future creativity.

I don’t know if there are any songs about this particular feeling of post-big-project comedown, because whenever I’m in one I’m not really up for writing a song about it and, later on, in reflective songwriting mood, I can already project that I will find the topic far too mundane / indulgent / entitled to reference.

After the Big Chart News I had some dinner at home and went to bed. I had been sleeping terribly in the weeks leading up to the album release, which is very unusual for me, and that may have influenced what happened with the art workshop and the incessant crying.

I felt much better when the requirement to suddenly create something new was removed. Tim took me home and we sat on the sofa together. The following week we went on holiday to Naples, and had our minds blown by the busy, colourful, gritty city.

Now I’m back, somewhat rested, and I have to keep going. Because that’s the goal.

I make music and share it so I can keep making music. I make videos and I write to share my experiences as part of my creative practice, which is what drives me to continue making music.

It’s weird how you can focus so intensely on something for so long – in this case a full year, pretty much – and then it feels so suddenly over and done with. The album only came out four weeks ago, and it did really, amazingly well, but now it feels like there’s zero interest in the new songs, everyone’s moved on to something else, and I have to quickly summon up new things to share.

Of course I don’t have to do anything1 – but as an artist I get to do whatever I feel like doing. And that’s a gift, and I am grateful.

I last wrote a new song last July – “Space, Man”. I don’t want to let it be a full year til I write another one. So, I won’t!

It’s time to don the lab coat again for musical experiments. And this is where you will hear them first.

And if you haven’t heard “House Of Stories” yet, I made this nerdy microsite to introduce it to you.

Thank you for reading. 

Love,
Laura xxx

  1. I mean, I do – this dream job is my only job, and I have to continually figure out how to keep making ends meet, and that’s not always a given – but in this context I mean no-one is forcing me to make songs or market them and it’s a great privilege to get to do so x ↩︎

NEXT

Thank you for visiting!

🎁 Tap to get your FREE 12-track album + 31-page PDF zine of stories, photographs and artwork here.

🏠 My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!

❤️ Join The Correspondent’s Club on Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)

🎸 Listen to my first Penfriend album “Exotic Monsters” and browse my back catalogue here.

🎨 If you make things too – or want to know more about the creative process – I’m sharing thoughtful weekly essays here on my experiments in art, music and life on Substack (and I won’t be at all offended if you prefer to read my stuff there rather than on this absolutely gorgeous website).

💬 Chat with me on BlueskyTwitterInstagram and Facebook.

See you soon xo



PS yes, my songs are available everywhere else you listen to music online.
Just search for Penfriend, She Makes War and Obey Robots.

You could even subscribe here to send a message to the algorithm overlords that Penfriend rocks!

Better still ⤵️

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16 days til I give it another shot…

16 days til I give it another shot…

Letterbox Music News


When I quit touring at the end of 2019, I never expected my break to last this long.

Burned out from 10 years of solo performing, always being the driver/roadie/merch person, often being the promoter and sometimes even taking tickets on the door, I needed a rest. I ended my She Makes War project, made plans to launch Penfriend and recorded my new songs alone in my attic in Bristol for the first time.

Then life, the universe and everything happened. You know all about that.

In 16 days I will be treading the boards again after 5 years and 5 months of doing other things.

In those 5 years and 5 months I recorded and released three albums, 50 podcast episodes and 316 videos, performed countless livestreams and released the same number of live albums. I have no regrets, and this time last year I had no intention of playing in venues again.

But then it started niggling at me. Yes, touring is expensive and difficult, and even well-known bands are finally talking about these issues in the media (thank you, Kate Nash). But in 2005, when I first started playing my songs at little gigs in London, I vowed to always keep things sustainable.

In those early years I toured the country on the Megabus and took a steam train to a ferry port to get to a gig in Dartmouth supporting Midge Ure. I started putting my own shows on so I could pay the support bands properly as well as myself.

Over the 14 years of performing as She Makes War I played nearly 600 gigs, and supported artists including Tune-Yards, Nadine Shah, Juliana Hatfield, Gruff Rhys (Super Furry Animals), Frank Turner, Suede, Carina Round (Puscifer), The Levellers, Duke Special, The Brian Jonestown Massacre and Filthy Friends. When I look back at all that – wow, what a ride.

There are so many reasons not to do things, but eventually I came back to the reason I started performing live in the first place: to celebrate the freedom I have to make up whatever music I like, sharing it with independently-minded music fans who aren’t ruled by trends and spending time in a room with those very people who support it so enthusiastically and so generously.

So…I decided it was time to hire some of my favourite small venues, sell the tickets myself and bring you the very best, most immersive and interesting live experience I’m capable of.

People have been asking if I’m nervous about my first gig back. Not at all. I’m not saying I won’t be enveloped in a wave of butterflies and nausea before going on stage, and I have no idea what it will feel like to hear actual applause after a song instead of the stony silence of a livestream, but this feels more intentional than any batch of shows I’ve done in the past.

And if it all goes well, who knows what I’ll plan for next year…


If you’re free on Saturday 31st May, there are just THREE return tickets left for my show upstairs at Rough Trade Nottingham: https://shop.penfriend.rocks/products/31st-may-2025-gig-ticket-penfriend-live-in-nottingham

Clearly I’ll be exhausted after playing one gig after so long (!), so I’ll be taking a three month break before playing the following (tickets are 60% sold out!):

17th September – MANCHESTER – The Lodge @ Deaf Institute

18th September – BRISTOL – Rough Trade

24th September – LONDON – The Grace (formerly Upstairs at The Garage)

25th September – BIRMINGHAM – Hare & Hounds

** GET TICKETS: https://shop.penfriend.rocks/collections/tickets

Tickets are best available direct from me, with gorgeous tour tees designed by Beth Jeans Houghton aka Du Blonde also available to pre-order.

These ace tees are available to all, even if you can’t attend the shows! https://shop.penfriend.rocks/products/exclusive-pre-tour-tee


I’m thrilled to announce that Carol Hodge will be supporting at all five shows. I love her music and can’t wait to watch her show every night before playing mine.

If you’re new to her world: “Carol is an existential-flavoured, piano-pounding, Yorkshire-dwelling solo artist. Think Victoria Wood meets Nick Cave. You won’t know whether to laugh or cry at her live shows, but will definitely feel something.

When she’s not performing the length and breadth of the UK either solo or with the inventively named The Carol Hodge Band, you can find Carol on keys and vocals with Steve Ignorant (Crass) and The Wildhearts.”

** Carol is offering you a FREE CD here, go go go: https://www.carolhodge.co.uk/freecdoffer


What an immense privilege it is to write to you, to share songs with you, and to share the same air. Thank you.

And…if you can’t make it to the shows, I have this nerdy treat for you instead: https://penfriend.rocks/house-of-stories

Have a wonderful day.

Love,
Laura xxx


PS remember when me and Rhian from Wet Leg supported Tune-Yards in 2015? It takes a long time to become an overnight success…


NEXT

Thank you for visiting!

🎁 Tap to get your FREE 12-track album + 31-page PDF zine of stories, photographs and artwork here.

🏠 My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!

❤️ Join The Correspondent’s Club on Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)

🎸 Listen to my first Penfriend album “Exotic Monsters” and browse my back catalogue here.

🎨 If you make things too – or want to know more about the creative process – I’m sharing thoughtful weekly essays here on my experiments in art, music and life on Substack (and I won’t be at all offended if you prefer to read my stuff there rather than on this absolutely gorgeous website).

💬 Chat with me on BlueskyTwitterInstagram and Facebook.

See you soon xo



PS yes, my songs are available everywhere else you listen to music online.
Just search for Penfriend, She Makes War and Obey Robots.

You could even subscribe here to send a message to the algorithm overlords that Penfriend rocks!

Better still ⤵️

Share this:
The chart results are in –

The chart results are in –

House Of Stories Letterbox Music News Process

As I type these words, the results are in. It’s 5.51pm and I’ve been ignoring the internet all day, knowing that at some point a number will be assigned to my new album. It may well have been published somewhere online already, or is about to be.

So I thought I’d write to you before I read that number. Because, as I wrote to my Correspondent’s Club members this morning:

We are not defined by things outside our control but by what we put into the world and how we carry ourselves. And I feel good about both of those things today.”

HUGEST thank you for your support and encouragement not only in this hectic week of album releasing, but since you first came across my work. It makes a huge difference knowing I have a friendly group of music fans to share my songs, words and videos with. You are appreciated.

Whatever numbers I read in a few minutes won’t change my belief in the album I shared with you last Friday, and the energy I have for continuing to create experiences around the songs on “House Of Stories”.

As I sang in “Emotional Tourist”: “I’m not finished”.

An album release is a new beginning, not just for those songs starting to find their homes in peoples’ lives and hearts, but for me to start the second hero’s journey of sharing them with people outside this lovely circle.

If you fancy helping me with that, I’ve created a webpage which gathers the album, videos and blog posts all in one handy place to easily share it with new people: http://penfriend.rocks/house-of-stories

Thank you!


Last time I put a record out (in 2023) it took so much out of me that I slumped into a long period where I didn’t write anything new. I’m not letting that happen this time. 

Earlier this week I started excavating my piano from being surrounded by boxes of junk, and this morning I got myself set up to receive musical messages again. It feels good.

“Keep the channel open”, said Martha Graham. Too right.

I’m excited to keep sharing my new album “House Of Stories” with you in fun and creative ways over the coming weeks and months, but alongside that I’m commencing experiments for solo album 7.

Channel open. Let’s go x


Drum roll please…

“House Of Stories” is:

#2 in the Independent Albums Chart
#2 in the Downloads Chart
#4 in the Album Sales Chart
#10 in the CD Albums Chart
#11 in the Vinyl Albums Chart
#11 in the Scottish Albums Chart
#74 in the Official Albums Chart

And…it’s the fourth-highest charting new entry this week.

Wow.

THANK YOU. You did this!

Now: go and have a lovely weekend. You deserve it.

Love,
Laura xxx


NEXT

Thank you for visiting!

🎁 Tap to get your FREE 12-track album + 31-page PDF zine of stories, photographs and artwork here.

🏠 My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!

❤️ Join The Correspondent’s Club on Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)

🎸 Listen to my first Penfriend album “Exotic Monsters” and browse my back catalogue here.

🎨 If you make things too – or want to know more about the creative process – I’m sharing thoughtful weekly essays here on my experiments in art, music and life on Substack (and I won’t be at all offended if you prefer to read my stuff there rather than on this absolutely gorgeous website).

💬 Chat with me on BlueskyTwitterInstagram and Facebook.

See you soon xo



PS yes, my songs are available everywhere else you listen to music online.
Just search for Penfriend, She Makes War and Obey Robots.

You could even subscribe here to send a message to the algorithm overlords that Penfriend rocks!

Better still ⤵️

Share this:
This is what your copy looks like :)

This is what your copy looks like :)

House Of Stories Letterbox Music News Process


No, your local record shop does NOT have copies of my new album!

The ONLY place you can get “House Of Stories” on vinyl, CDs and KiT is my shop: https://shop.penfriend.rocks/collections/penfriend-house-of-stories

I’ve had several messages this week from people who want to support their local independent record shop and buy “House Of Stories” there – a lovely idea! – but in this case please support your local independent artist and buy direct from me ❤️


WHY LAURA, WHYYYYY???

Between 2018 and 2024 I did have my records in shops, placed there through a distributor, but due to limited space it’s super competitive trying to get them to stock even 1 or 2 copies…plus they obviously have to charge quite a lot for stocking it and selling it to you.

Printing beautiful vinyl costs me £££££, so the whole thing just wasn’t working out – especially when you were hearing about the records direct from me in the first place!

As a 100% independent artist with no job or funding outside of direct-to-fan record sales and my subscription club, I do everything I can to create beautiful music and merch collections to give the best experience of my work possible, while also paying for everything to be made in the first place. Without pre-orders for “House Of Stories”, there would have been no vinyl, no CDs, no anything else.

Last year I made the decision to quit my physical distribution deal and go back to only selling my music direct. Hello there!


WHY NOW???

All physical sales made by 7.30pm today count towards the Official UK Albums Chart result tomorrow, and all digital purchases made until 23:59 also count BUT ONLY IF YOU DOWNLOAD YOUR DOWNLOADS.

Thank you so much for supporting “House Of Stories”.

Next…would you consider forwarding this to a friend?

Love and huge thanks,
Laura xxx


NEXT

Thank you for visiting!

🎁 Tap to get your FREE 12-track album + 31-page PDF zine of stories, photographs and artwork here.

🏠 My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!

❤️ Join The Correspondent’s Club on Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)

🎸 Listen to my first Penfriend album “Exotic Monsters” and browse my back catalogue here.

🎨 If you make things too – or want to know more about the creative process – I’m sharing thoughtful weekly essays here on my experiments in art, music and life on Substack (and I won’t be at all offended if you prefer to read my stuff there rather than on this absolutely gorgeous website).

💬 Chat with me on BlueskyTwitterInstagram and Facebook.

See you soon xo



PS yes, my songs are available everywhere else you listen to music online.
Just search for Penfriend, She Makes War and Obey Robots.

You could even subscribe here to send a message to the algorithm overlords that Penfriend rocks!

Better still ⤵️

Share this:
#28 in the Official UK Midweek Albums Chart!

#28 in the Official UK Midweek Albums Chart!

House Of Stories Letterbox Music News


WHOAH. “My new album is “House Of Stories” is #28 in the Official UK Midweek Albums Chart.

And my name is mentioned casually alongside Taylor Swift, Doechii and Hawkwind in this news piece…

Thank you, amazing music fans!!!!!

This is my fourth midweek chart placement, and each time I marvel at how these albums I write and produce myself and release from my house via email and social media posts have sat amongst some of the biggest names in pop.


I mean…hi Elton and Brandi Carlile! I LOVE YOUR MUSIC. You met through a letter? That’s very fun. You’re PENFRIENDS too!

It’s even more amazing when you look at the numbers – if today’s chart was based on album sales (not streams), “House Of Stories” would be #4 today. NUMBER FOUR.

Oh hi Taylor Swift, greetings again Sir Elton, and hello Hawkwind! 37 studio albums….RESPECT.

It would bring me great joy to see my name in the pop charts at the end of this week, but what’s way more important is to acknowledge and appreciate the outpouring of love and support for this new collection of songs.

THANK YOU. None of this happens without YOU.

Music isn’t a competition. “House Of Stories” is my best album yet, and I’m so proud to share it with you.

If you don’t have your copy yet, it’s a great day to grab yours from my shop! Choose from four beautiful vinyl colours, CDs and KiT box sets. I’ve even made 3- and 5-CD bundles in case you’d like to give the gift of Penfriend to your friends 🙂

➡️ https://shop.penfriend.rocks/collections/penfriend-house-of-stories

LOW STOCK WARNING

* 75 signed vinyl left! https://shop.penfriend.rocks/products/house-of-stories-stripey-tights-vinyl-download-1

* 11 signed CDs left! https://shop.penfriend.rocks/products/house-of-stories-signed-cd-download-1

* 37 hardback books left! https://shop.penfriend.rocks/products/hard-back-photo-and-lyrics-book

Thanks so much for being here, you’re quite clearly my Top of the Pops.

Love,
Laura xxx


NEXT

Thank you for visiting!

🎁 Tap to get your FREE 12-track album + 31-page PDF zine of stories, photographs and artwork here.

🏠 My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!

❤️ Join The Correspondent’s Club on Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)

🎸 Listen to my first Penfriend album “Exotic Monsters” and browse my back catalogue here.

🎨 If you make things too – or want to know more about the creative process – I’m sharing thoughtful weekly essays here on my experiments in art, music and life on Substack (and I won’t be at all offended if you prefer to read my stuff there rather than on this absolutely gorgeous website).

💬 Chat with me on BlueskyTwitterInstagram and Facebook.

See you soon xo



PS yes, my songs are available everywhere else you listen to music online.
Just search for Penfriend, She Makes War and Obey Robots.

You could even subscribe here to send a message to the algorithm overlords that Penfriend rocks!

Better still ⤵️

Share this:
“In The Light Sometimes” – Penfriend

“In The Light Sometimes” – Penfriend

House Of Stories Letterbox Music News Releases Singles


🎸 🏠 Your copy of my new album “House Of Stories” is waiting for you here, now shipping worldwide: https://shop.penfriend.rocks/collections/penfriend-house-of-stories

The album is available on super limited edition vinyl colours, signed CD and KiT hybrid digital format, with tees, hoodies and hardback books to accompany the music
https://shop.penfriend.rocks/collections/penfriend-house-of-stories


VIDEO CREDITS
Directed, shot and edited by Laura Kidd in The Launchpad, Nottingham.

SONG CREDITS
Written, produced, performed, and recorded by Laura Kidd in The Launchpad, Nottingham.
Mixed by Chris Sheldon. Mastered by Katie Tavini.

HUGEST THANKS to The Correspondent’s Club. I can’t do this without you xxx

TYPEWRITER CREDITS
My beloved collection *currently* consists of:

Brother Deluxe 750TR (my first – a gift from my Grandad in the mid ’80s)
Olympia SM9 Olivetti Lettera 32
Adler Tippa S
Hermes Media 3 (French AZERTY version!)
Olympia SM3 (custom rose gold finish)


LYRICS

Cradling grudges I’ll grip til the end
Biting my tongue cos forever will mend
Keeping the peace with inscrutable men
Never again

In the light sometimes I fall to pieces
In the light sometimes
In the light sometimes

Grinding up gravel to spit at the sun
Simple affection can never return
Swallow my secrets
Protecting my home
Building my own

In the light sometimes I fall to pieces
In the dark sometimes I can’t believe it
You think I forgive you but I never mean it
In the light sometimes
In the light sometimes

In the light sometimes I fall to pieces
In the dark sometimes I can’t believe it
You think I forgive you but I never mean it
In the light sometimes
In the light sometimes


NEXT

Thank you for visiting!

🎁 Tap to get your FREE 12-track album + 31-page PDF zine of stories, photographs and artwork here.

🏠 My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!

❤️ Join The Correspondent’s Club on Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)

🎸 Listen to my first Penfriend album “Exotic Monsters” and browse my back catalogue here.

🎨 If you make things too – or want to know more about the creative process – I’m sharing thoughtful weekly essays here on my experiments in art, music and life on Substack (and I won’t be at all offended if you prefer to read my stuff there rather than on this absolutely gorgeous website).

💬 Chat with me on BlueskyTwitterInstagram and Facebook.

See you soon xo



PS yes, my songs are available everywhere else you listen to music online.
Just search for Penfriend, She Makes War and Obey Robots.

You could even subscribe here to send a message to the algorithm overlords that Penfriend rocks!

Better still ⤵️

Share this:
Warning: my legs and feet are visible in this video!

Warning: my legs and feet are visible in this video!

Creativity House Of Stories Letterbox Music News Process

Thoughts about stepping back – literally…

During the pandemic I remember reading an article about how one of the ways living in close proximity was changing peoples’ relationships was the lack of literal perspective. Standing close to loved ones all the time, rarely getting a chance to step back and see them as a whole person. It has an effect.

I’ve been pondering this while making and sharing music videos for my new album this year. I make my own videos: setting up lights, tripod and everything else I need to shoot, doing my best to make my weird and wonderful ideas come to life on screen, then editing them afterwards.



That’s what I do when I make music, too. “House Of Stories” is thoughtful, personal and completely me (and I can’t wait for you to hear it!) https://shop.penfriend.rocks/collections/penfriend-house-of-stories


It’s well-discussed that working with constraints makes you more creative. 3 minutes to tell a story in sound and song. Small budgets, basic equipment, small spaces. Using only what you already have.

But it can be hard to get the feet and legs in. It can be hard to show the full person.

“Emotional Tourist” was shot in my front room, in front of a variety of backdrops. I set the camera up behind my armchair to get a decent shot, but didn’t want to show the mess on both sides, plus my backdrop didn’t go down to the ground. No feet shots possible. Dagnabbit.


I tried to change this for “Space, Man”, hiring a studio in town so I could put the camera a bit further back. But the backdrop wasn’t wide enough again, so you didn’t get to see the white socks I wore to match my inflatable space rocket. I tried. 🚀


While filming for “The Life Of The Party”, there was a weird issue with the stage lighting. I couldn’t figure out why it was giving me a totally blue, blown-out face if the camera was set back too far.

If I was calmly filming someone else I might have been able to work it out; dressed in a party frock grasping a ukulele, I did what I always do…my best.


For “In The Light Sometimes” I decided to show the whole picture.

Last summer I spent 54 days in my attic home studio, The Launchpad, recording my new album “House Of Stories”. I decided to show the whole space; the constraints I turned into creativity.

It was only after I hung my new action camera off the attic latch for the top-down shot that I realised my feet would be on video for once. And, though my slipper game is STRONG, I decided to be dead posh for once and change into some nice shoes for the occasion.

This song makes me cry. I hope you enjoy the video.


“House Of Stories” is now shipping worldwide!

You can get your copy on vinyl, CD or KiT box set direct from me, with hardback story and lyric books, hoodies and tees also available.

Digital downloads are available from the “Downloads” tab in my shop too.

This album is not on streaming, and is not available from any record shops or online retailers.

This is 100% independently made and released music, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting what I do.

Love,
Laura xxx

PS watch the non-feety-leggy music videos here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjSzokSHVfQ2rSPH0Lq47f9UQXfudtWBp


NEXT

Thank you for visiting!

🎁 Tap to get your FREE 12-track album + 31-page PDF zine of stories, photographs and artwork here.

🏠 My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!

❤️ Join The Correspondent’s Club on Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)

🎸 Listen to my first Penfriend album “Exotic Monsters” and browse my back catalogue here.

🎨 If you make things too – or want to know more about the creative process – I’m sharing thoughtful weekly essays here on my experiments in art, music and life on Substack (and I won’t be at all offended if you prefer to read my stuff there rather than on this absolutely gorgeous website).

💬 Chat with me on BlueskyTwitterInstagram and Facebook.

See you soon xo



PS yes, my songs are available everywhere else you listen to music online.
Just search for Penfriend, She Makes War and Obey Robots.

You could even subscribe here to send a message to the algorithm overlords that Penfriend rocks!

Better still ⤵️

Share this:
What rhymes with “bop hen”?!!

What rhymes with “bop hen”?!!

Essays House Of Stories Letterbox Music News

We’re really going for it this time…

Last week I wrote about how underground punk legend John Otway’s books and film have been inspiring me to cook up the most outlandish plan of my musical life so far.

I’m here today to tell you all about the logical next step in the story of my illogical, 100% independent music career.


If you’ve known me for any length of time, you know there is no “Team Penfriend”.

From writing, producing, arranging, recording and performing the songs on my albums (with ace guest musicians drafted in when needed), to laying out the text on the CDs and vinyl packaging, writing and designing the lyric books, shooting and editing my videos, building and maintaining my website, releasing the albums on my micro-label My Big Sister Recordings with all that entails, and walking your merch orders up to my local Post Office twice a week – hi, I am Team Penfriend. 

With honourable mention to my beloved Tim who is very supportive and helpful (if you’ve ever seen one of my ads, he set that up), I’m the one running the whole shebang.

This is not a brag: I say this only to underline the absolute ridiculousness of my last two album releases going into the Official UK Albums Chart. Not the “glitter-grunge synth’n’guitar alt-pop” albums chart, but the full-on, overall, why-the-heck-are-ABBA-always-still-in-there? albums chart.

I love ABBA…but, come on!

In 2021, music fans like (and possibly including) YOU put my first Penfriend album “Exotic Monsters” at #24 in the overall chart and #5 in the Independent Albums Chart – the chart for artists on independent labels, from big ones you’ve heard of to very tiny one-person ones mine.

In 2023, music fans like (and possibly including) YOU put “One In A Thousand” (my collaboration album with Rat from Ned’s Atomic Dustbin) at #14 in the overall chart and #1 in the Independent Album Chart. NUMBER FREAKING ONE!

These numbers blow me away. Look what we did!

Between my efforts to make and share music and your absolutely stunning generosity and support, we can do huge things. And over the two years since my last album release I’ve received so many messages from people like (and possibly including) YOU telling me what fun it was to stick it to “the man”, and asking when are we going to do it all again?

Honestly, I talked myself out of writing this email a few times. And then I realised I was letting them win! These big powerful structures that we’re not meant to be cheeky towards, let alone pay a visit to. These places that aren’t meant for the likes of us, because we didn’t do it their way.

I was too busy making seven albums to schmooze the right people, and I don’t regret my decisions for a minute.


OK…we had a Top 30 album together. That was wonderful. Thank you!

Then we had a Top 20 album together. Unbelievable. Thank you!

Where do YOU think we should go next?

Top 10. I’m whispering. Should I say it out loud? Should I shout it?! 

Could we? Shall we?


WHY try and get in the charts?

Because it’s FUN. Because it’s FUN-NY. Because I’m sick of only the people with huge amounts of financial backing getting all the things – radio play, multi-page magazine spreads, TV slots. Because it’s an example of the sort of big things I think we’re all individually capable of if we decide we’re going to go for it. Because it shows what a passionate community of music lovers care about, and thrusts it, albeit briefly, to sit alongside the mainstream.

Because it shouldn’t be possible for a 43-year old solo artist making music in a colourful Nottingham attic to have her name and made-up record label listed alongside ABBA.

Even though, wait, yes I THOUGHT so… (spot the ABBA Gold):

2023:


2021:


I don’t make music for the mainstream, I make it for you. And both times I’ve had albums in the Top 40 it’s been a victory for every single person who voted with their purchase of an album made by hand with loving care.


So, how do we get a Top 10 album in 2025?

This is the thing. Even though passive streams of big famous songs on playlists count as 1 chart sale per 1500 plays (!), and my streaming numbers are utter garbage because I refuse to advertise giant companies that don’t treat me well, this idea doesn’t feel thatridiculous. 

Around 7,500 UK residents currently hang out on my big mailing list. And another 270 brilliant people are here. Hi!

So far, we have clocked up around 1400 chart-eligible sales from pre-orders of “House Of Stories”.

Thank you!

To have a chance of getting into the Top 40, we need to find loving homes for another 1500 copies of the new record in the next FOUR weeks.

To get into the Top 10, it’s another 3000 copies on top of that.

Is this totally ridiculous, or is it a fun idea?

There are enough of us here to make this happen, even without the help of other people around the internet. But you know I love creating experiences around my album releases, so I’ll be busy with blog posts, videos and live events over the next few weeks for all to enjoy. I hope you’ll join me!

“House Of Stories” is an album that celebrates age, experience and personal power. In the 20 years since I wrote the first two songs that appeared on my debut album (“I Am” and “ghostsandshadows”), my life has completely transformed.

From strumming my guitar on a bed squashed into the corner of a tiny bedroom in a dirty shared house in South London to making music and videos in my colourful attic home studio in Nottingham, with all the adventures I went on in-between, making the songs I wanted to make sound exactly how I wanted them to and finding creative ways to share them with you has been utterly life-changing.

Taking my music projects into my own hands was a necessity from the start – with no manager / label / agent, no industry help of any kind (moral or financial!), I have always funded everything I’ve made through freelance work and huge amounts of support from music fans crowdfunding and pre-ordering my albums.

I’m so grateful for what I’ve managed to build with your help. Thank you.

More than anything, I know “House Of Stories” is my best album yet, and I’m excited for you to hear it.


The second verse of the title track goes like this:

“Trapped in our warm bodies
Still brimming with hope
Reaching the highest places
We think we can go”

In 16 years of releasing music online I’ve learned that interesting things can happen when I spend my time in positive, generous ways. But even greater things can happen when you decide on a destination.

I’ve decided.

I’ll leave you with this helpful quote by Normal Vincent Peale, the writer of “The Power Of Positive Thinking”:

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars”.

You may recall I have a rocket ship at my disposal.

See you on the moon?

Love,
Laura xxx
https://shop.penfriend.rocks/collections/penfriend-house-of-stories


NEXT

Thank you for visiting!

🎁 Tap to get your FREE 12-track album + 31-page PDF zine of stories, photographs and artwork here.

🏠 My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!

❤️ Join The Correspondent’s Club on Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)

🎸 Listen to my first Penfriend album “Exotic Monsters” and browse my back catalogue here.

🎨 If you make things too – or want to know more about the creative process – I’m sharing thoughtful weekly essays here on my experiments in art, music and life on Substack (and I won’t be at all offended if you prefer to read my stuff there rather than on this absolutely gorgeous website).

💬 Chat with me on BlueskyTwitterInstagram and Facebook.

See you soon xo



PS yes, my songs are available everywhere else you listen to music online.
Just search for Penfriend, She Makes War and Obey Robots.

You could even subscribe here to send a message to the algorithm overlords that Penfriend rocks!

Better still ⤵️

Share this: