When you wake at 6.32am on a Sunday and can’t think of anything you’d rather do than sneak quietly up to the attic to play with your new piece of music gear, you know you’re onto something.
I find myself in a new music-making experimentation phase. I watch videos and read message boards about hooking up synthesizers and drum machines to my new MPC Live 2 1 via MIDI.
Late one night I purchase and download three packs of distorted drum breaks 2. They sound delicious.
I find myself suddenly eager to really get to grips with all the hardware that sits in my studio, chain it all together and “jam” (a word and state I have hitherto eschewed entirely. No, I do not want to “jam” with you).
I start working systematically through the brilliant “MPC Bible” 3, noting down things I want to be able to do and eagerly awaiting the chapters that will help me do them. I am being patient for once. I am reading the manual for once. I want to do this well.
I’m not thinking about how I can turn any of this into music for my next solo record: I’m just in the lab. Action is more important than results.
Yesterday I sampled several old recordings from my phone: a sheep baa-ing, a goat goat-ing and me softly singing “doo-doo-di-doo”.
After I hit publish this afternoon I will turn those samples into instruments, creating chords. No, sh-ords 4. NO, GHORDS! 5
I find a new favourite YouTuber: Jon Makes Beats 6. I like him because he invites us to spend time watching him make something from start to finish. These are the sorts of videos I’ve always wanted to make, but haven’t got round to…yet.
Jon has gravitas, and his deep emotional understanding of making art through sound comes through in everything he uploads. He is comfortable, unapologetic, kind, welcoming. I find his videos immensely comforting.
I’ve been finding everything tricky recently, but throwing myself into something different is helping. In the weeks between my Gran passing away and her funeral, I was unable to plan out my next week of creative work, let alone the next 3 months, let alone actually embark on any of the work itself.
After last Thursday’s funeral I’m not suddenly fine. Of course not. But yesterday, between self-propelled MPC lessons, I plotted out what the rest of the year could look like in the world of my music project Penfriend. I don’t know why 7, but I just felt like it, and now the chaos feels a little less chaotic.
I have so much I want to make all the time, and it’s always frustrating that I can’t make all of it. For a while I haven’t felt able to make any of it. But I’m starting to believe that I might be able to make some of it very soon. And that’s a huge improvement.
Share your tips on finding forward motion in the comments, please – I need them!
My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!
Join The Correspondent’s Clubon Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)
Last Saturday 31st May I played my songs on a stage in front of people for the first time in 5.5 years – and it didn’t feel like I thought it would.
Between 2005 and 2019 I played around 600 shows as a solo artist, usually completely alone but occasionally with a backing band. Sometimes supporting artists you’ve heard of, often putting on my own nights and championing bands I liked.
Before and alongside that I toured the world as a hired bassist and vocalist for artists including Tricky, Viv Albertine, Lil’ Chris, The Penelopes and Alex Parks. I went on Top Of The Pops with A-Ha. I toured Italian piazzas with Duncan James from Blue.
I have played a LOT of gigs in my life: some amazing, uplifting, life-affirming; some upsettingly bad, why-on-earth-am-I-doing-this-to-myself affairs. At the end of 2019 I wanted to stop. I needed to stop.
When you can’t find the joy in the thing you thought you wanted to do more than anything in the world, it’s time to take a big step back.
Oh hi, burnout!
Touring used to be a huge part of my identity. From 2005 onwards I loved being on the road. I hated routine, I’d routinely say, and loved being somewhere different every day. I loved the unique communities that gelled together for one night only, I loved sharing my music with people and occasionally hearing them singing along.
I loved the heroism of playing to a cold room of another band’s fans, winning them over usually by around song three of my set. Some rooms were colder than others, but I always got at least a handful of people interested, sometimes a lot more, and the feeling I got when that wave turned was addictive.
When I was hired to play for other artists, I loved supporting their vision by contributing to the sound of the band on stage. I loved being paid for my musical skills, and calling music my job.
I loved ticking off every single country on my “list of countries I’d like to visit one day” without having to pay for a single flight myself, and I loved the surprised respect I garnered from people when they heard who I was playing for, or saw me pop up on TV.
I remember watching as other musicians I knew gave up life on the road. One by one they chose a steady job, getting married, having children. I knew I didn’t want the latter, and didn’t expect I’d ever have the option of the other two.
I didn’t understand why someone would choose to turn their back on what they loved.
I couldn’t comprehend that they might have fallen out of love with it.
I didn’t think I ever could.
Photo by Ania Shrimpton
2019 did it. A grind of support slots with largely disinterested audiences. Saying yes to things that made no sense (£50 slots 4 hours drive from home, no potential audience crossover). Unfriendly slash downright rude headline bands. An entirely avoidable driving incident that cost me more than I made on the entire tour.
I needed a rest. I had already decided my first solo project She Makes War had to end, so I started to wind everything down. One last solo headline show. One last band headline show (sold out!). One last tour with my friend Robin Ince: a truly life-affirming, lovely experience.
And then we had a worldwide pandemic.
My new Penfriend project was scheduled to launch on 1st May 2020, featuring a host of online and remote physical elements: my Correspondent’s Club membership, quarterly music and zine bundles, regular blog posts, regular livestreams, a podcast series and a new YouTube channel. I hadn’t started thinking about gigs or tours. I didn’t want to.
When it became clear it wasn’t safe to perform live, I chucked the idea of it away entirely. I didn’t miss it. My identity shifted away from fearless road warrior with chaotic home life towards thoughtful creative practitioner, building routines that nourished my work and allowed me to give so much more to my community than random support slots could.
In March 2021 I made internet waves one Monday evening with a video about why I wouldn’t be touring that year either. I made it to encourage others to really think about the consequences of their actions, and the majority of people commenting thanked me for saying what they’d been thinking.
I thought gathering people in a small room was reckless. I couldn’t stomach the idea of being the reason people got ill. I didn’t want 150 people breathing in my direction for a minute, let alone the entirety of my set. I knew there were other ways I could continue to show up for my music-and-community-starved audience, so I kept doing that.
And then the years rolled by, as they do, and I kept making and sharing albums. Without the distraction, exhaustion and expense of gigging and touring, I was able to make more things to last: more music, more videos, more connections with people all around the world.
I kept playing livestreams when they went out of vogue (having started playing them in 2014, way before they were in vogue), commuting up to my attic in my slippers to say hi to people across the globe, sharing music, time and space.
As musicians, we’re supposed to want to do certain things, and we’re supposed to go along with things that don’t entirely make sense because they’re supposedly good for our careers, or are the logical next step towards what we’re supposed to want to achieve.
If we don’t do these things, there are people waiting online to enthusiastically badger us about doing them.
“When’s the tour?”
“Get on tour”
“Can’t wait to see this live!”
These are all compliments, I know that. I am fortunate to have people requesting my presence on stage. Thank you for the compliment.
But I will continue to push back against the idea that creating music from thin air, crafting it into songs and soundscapes and finding fun ways to share them in beautiful physical formats isn’t enough without a live performance of those songs on exactly the right night, in the right location, at the right price for those demanding a gig.
After “One In A Thousand” came out in 2023, whenever someone asked me why I wasn’t touring now the worst of the pandemic was over, my go-to answer was “because I can’t afford it”.
This was, unfortunately, true. More importantly, I didn’t want to. And I kept not wanting to right up until the moment in early 2025 that I annoyed myself so much with the “touring is too expensive” mantra that I decided to do one local show the day before my 44th birthday.
When I started performing my own music live in 2005 I vowed to keep things sustainable: that’s why I played so many shows completely solo. No additional musicians, no crew, just me. I loved being self sufficient. For years I revelled in fitting a little guitar amp, pedals and a megaphone in one rolling suitcase and stuffing my merch in another, arriving at venues to comments like “are you going on holiday?” then doing a Mary Poppins and pulling weird item after weird item out of my bag at soundcheck.
In early 2025, on the cusp of releasing my third album in my new Penfriend era, it started to seem ridiculous and a little churlish to keep refusing to share my songs in a room with people who wanted to enjoy them.
I decided that if I couldn’t sell enough tickets to a local show to cover costs and pay myself and anyone else involved, I would know it was the end for me and venue gigs. If people didn’t want the tickets I was selling, I would take the hint. No hard feelings. Let the fans decide.
The fans decided.
31/5/25 – Rae Dowling
Due to my garbage streaming numbers, no promoter wanted to take a risk on me. They refused to take my chart positions or my 10K mailing list into account. So just like the good old days I hired the venue myself – thank you, Rough Trade Nottingham!
The gig sold out in about a week – thank you, music fans!
I sold all but 10 of the tickets through my email list and online shop, so no marketing budget was needed – thank you, email list!
My husband ticked everyone off as they came through the door and handed them an envelope full of goodies: a signed souvenir ticket, stickers and a flyer – thank you, Tim!
To ward off the solo artist blues of yore I hired my friend Carol Hodge to accompany me on keys and vocals for most of my set, and she also supported me with her own gorgeous music and played a stunner as usual – thank you, Carol!
All that remained was to play the show.
My main concern was that nerves would overtake me at the crucial moment, ruining my weeks of prep and rehearsal, making me look a fool in front of 150 fans of my music, disappointing them, myself and everyone in the vicinity.
Oh hi, imposter syndrome!
I had a big think about it. I decided my main job on the day was to stay as calm and present as possible. I was to go into gig day with no expectations of greatness or abject rubbishness. I would be a worthy human standing amongst other worthy humans, exchanging energy. That would be enough. (Though I still wanted to be able to play my songs well.)
I did it. I played well. I exchanged energy. I stayed present. When the generous applause came my way, I didn’t turn away or crouch down to fiddle with a guitar pedal like I used to. I stood in quiet gratitude, accepting the audience’s thanks.
It didn’t feel like I thought it would. I didn’t get an adrenaline rush. I didn’t feel nervous on stage. It felt comfortable. It felt good.
I couldn’t have asked for a more attentive, open-hearted audience. When they started singing along at the end of my first song “Scared To Capsize” (a SMW set-closing classic), I knew we were embarking on something special together. The singing along didn’t stop for the rest of my set. They laughed, they applauded, they played along with all of it. I felt held, supported, encouraged and loved. Thank you so much.
And afterwards? A quiet satisfaction. A glow. A midnight burger because we didn’t have chance to eat dinner before the show (some things never change). No plans for bigger better more more MORE. Just gratitude.
31/5/25 – Rae Dowling
Saturday night was a big moment, but all the things I’ve created since I stopped touring in 2019 have more than filled any potential void. Perhaps playing venue gigs will become something I do a few times a year. Perhaps one of my musical heroes will invite me out on tour with them. I’m more open to it after last week’s gig, but where in my former life as She Makes War I jumped at every opportunity (often living to regret my haste), Penfriend is far more discerning.
Some people have commented that it’s great to see I’m “back”. I’m not “back” – I never went away.
I have four more self-promoted Penfriend shows this year, and no live plans whatsoever yet for 2026.
My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!
Join The Correspondent’s Clubon Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)
When I quit touring at the end of 2019, I never expected my break to last this long.
Burned out from 10 years of solo performing, always being the driver/roadie/merch person, often being the promoter and sometimes even taking tickets on the door, I needed a rest. I ended my She Makes War project, made plans to launch Penfriend and recorded my new songs alone in my attic in Bristol for the first time.
Then life, the universe and everything happened. You know all about that.
In 16 days I will be treading the boards again after 5 years and 5 months of doing other things.
In those 5 years and 5 months I recorded and released three albums, 50 podcast episodes and 316 videos, performed countless livestreams and released the same number of live albums. I have no regrets, and this time last year I had no intention of playing in venues again.
But then it started niggling at me. Yes, touring is expensive and difficult, and even well-known bands are finally talking about these issues in the media (thank you, Kate Nash). But in 2005, when I first started playing my songs at little gigs in London, I vowed to always keep things sustainable.
In those early years I toured the country on the Megabus and took a steam train to a ferry port to get to a gig in Dartmouth supporting Midge Ure. I started putting my own shows on so I could pay the support bands properly as well as myself.
Over the 14 years of performing as She Makes War I played nearly 600 gigs, and supported artists including Tune-Yards, Nadine Shah, Juliana Hatfield, Gruff Rhys (Super Furry Animals), Frank Turner, Suede, Carina Round (Puscifer), The Levellers, Duke Special, The Brian Jonestown Massacre and Filthy Friends. When I look back at all that – wow, what a ride.
There are so many reasons not to do things, but eventually I came back to the reason I started performing live in the first place: to celebrate the freedom I have to make up whatever music I like, sharing it with independently-minded music fans who aren’t ruled by trends and spending time in a room with those very people who support it so enthusiastically and so generously.
So…I decided it was time to hire some of my favourite small venues, sell the tickets myself and bring you the very best, most immersive and interesting live experience I’m capable of.
People have been asking if I’m nervous about my first gig back. Not at all. I’m not saying I won’t be enveloped in a wave of butterflies and nausea before going on stage, and I have no idea what it will feel like to hear actual applause after a song instead of the stony silence of a livestream, but this feels more intentional than any batch of shows I’ve done in the past.
And if it all goes well, who knows what I’ll plan for next year…
Clearly I’ll be exhausted after playing one gig after so long (!), so I’ll be taking a three month break before playing the following (tickets are 60% sold out!):
17th September – MANCHESTER – The Lodge @ Deaf Institute
18th September – BRISTOL – Rough Trade
24th September – LONDON – The Grace (formerly Upstairs at The Garage)
I’m thrilled to announce that Carol Hodge will be supporting at all five shows. I love her music and can’t wait to watch her show every night before playing mine.
If you’re new to her world: “Carol is an existential-flavoured, piano-pounding, Yorkshire-dwelling solo artist. Think Victoria Wood meets Nick Cave. You won’t know whether to laugh or cry at her live shows, but will definitely feel something.
When she’s not performing the length and breadth of the UK either solo or with the inventively named The Carol Hodge Band, you can find Carol on keys and vocals with Steve Ignorant (Crass) and The Wildhearts.”
My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!
Join The Correspondent’s Clubon Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)
As I type these words, the results are in. It’s 5.51pm and I’ve been ignoring the internet all day, knowing that at some point a number will be assigned to my new album. It may well have been published somewhere online already, or is about to be.
So I thought I’d write to you before I read that number. Because, as I wrote to my Correspondent’s Club members this morning:
“We are not defined by things outside our control but by what we put into the world and how we carry ourselves. And I feel good about both of those things today.”
HUGEST thank you for your support and encouragement not only in this hectic week of album releasing, but since you first came across my work. It makes a huge difference knowing I have a friendly group of music fans to share my songs, words and videos with. You are appreciated.
Whatever numbers I read in a few minutes won’t change my belief in the album I shared with you last Friday, and the energy I have for continuing to create experiences around the songs on “House Of Stories”.
As I sang in “Emotional Tourist”: “I’m not finished”.
An album release is a new beginning, not just for those songs starting to find their homes in peoples’ lives and hearts, but for me to start the second hero’s journey of sharing them with people outside this lovely circle.
If you fancy helping me with that, I’ve created a webpage which gathers the album, videos and blog posts all in one handy place to easily share it with new people: http://penfriend.rocks/house-of-stories
Thank you!
Last time I put a record out (in 2023) it took so much out of me that I slumped into a long period where I didn’t write anything new. I’m not letting that happen this time.
Earlier this week I started excavating my piano from being surrounded by boxes of junk, and this morning I got myself set up to receive musical messages again. It feels good.
“Keep the channel open”, said Martha Graham. Too right.
I’m excited to keep sharing my new album “House Of Stories” with you in fun and creative ways over the coming weeks and months, but alongside that I’m commencing experiments for solo album 7.
#2 in the Independent Albums Chart #2 in the Downloads Chart #4 in the Album Sales Chart #10 in the CD Albums Chart #11 in the Vinyl Albums Chart #11 in the Scottish Albums Chart #74 in the Official Albums Chart
And…it’s the fourth-highest charting new entry this week.
Wow.
THANK YOU. You did this!
Now: go and have a lovely weekend. You deserve it.
My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!
Join The Correspondent’s Clubon Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)
I’ve had several messages this week from people who want to support their local independent record shop and buy “House Of Stories” there – a lovely idea! – but in this case please support your local independent artist and buy direct from me
WHY LAURA, WHYYYYY???
Between 2018 and 2024 I did have my records in shops, placed there through a distributor, but due to limited space it’s super competitive trying to get them to stock even 1 or 2 copies…plus they obviously have to charge quite a lot for stocking it and selling it to you.
Printing beautiful vinyl costs me £££££, so the whole thing just wasn’t working out – especially when you were hearing about the records direct from me in the first place!
As a 100% independent artist with no job or funding outside of direct-to-fan record sales and my subscription club, I do everything I can to create beautiful music and merch collections to give the best experience of my work possible, while also paying for everything to be made in the first place. Without pre-orders for “House Of Stories”, there would have been no vinyl, no CDs, no anything else.
Last year I made the decision to quit my physical distribution deal and go back to only selling my music direct. Hello there!
WHY NOW???
All physical sales made by 7.30pm today count towards the Official UK Albums Chart result tomorrow, and all digital purchases made until 23:59 also count BUT ONLY IF YOU DOWNLOAD YOUR DOWNLOADS.
My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!
Join The Correspondent’s Clubon Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)
This is my fourth midweek chart placement, and each time I marvel at how these albums I write and produce myself and release from my house via email and social media posts have sat amongst some of the biggest names in pop.
I mean…hi Elton and Brandi Carlile! I LOVE YOUR MUSIC. You met through a letter? That’s very fun. You’re PENFRIENDS too!
It’s even more amazing when you look at the numbers – if today’s chart was based on album sales (not streams), “House Of Stories” would be #4 today. NUMBER FOUR.
Oh hi Taylor Swift, greetings again Sir Elton, and hello Hawkwind! 37 studio albums….RESPECT.
It would bring me great joy to see my name in the pop charts at the end of this week, but what’s way more important is to acknowledge and appreciate the outpouring of love and support for this new collection of songs.
THANK YOU. None of this happens without YOU.
Music isn’t a competition. “House Of Stories” is my best album yet, and I’m so proud to share it with you.
If you don’t have your copy yet, it’s a great day to grab yours from my shop! Choose from four beautiful vinyl colours, CDs and KiT box sets. I’ve even made 3- and 5-CD bundles in case you’d like to give the gift of Penfriend to your friends
My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!
Join The Correspondent’s Clubon Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)
Your copy of my new album “House Of Stories” is waiting for you here, now shipping worldwide: https://shop.penfriend.rocks/collections/penfriend-house-of-stories
VIDEO CREDITS Directed, shot and edited by Laura Kidd in The Launchpad, Nottingham.
SONG CREDITS Written, produced, performed, and recorded by Laura Kidd in The Launchpad, Nottingham. Mixed by Chris Sheldon. Mastered by Katie Tavini.
HUGEST THANKS to The Correspondent’s Club. I can’t do this without you xxx
TYPEWRITER CREDITS My beloved collection *currently* consists of:
Brother Deluxe 750TR (my first – a gift from my Grandad in the mid ’80s) Olympia SM9 Olivetti Lettera 32 Adler Tippa S Hermes Media 3 (French AZERTY version!) Olympia SM3 (custom rose gold finish)
LYRICS
Cradling grudges I’ll grip til the end Biting my tongue cos forever will mend Keeping the peace with inscrutable men Never again
In the light sometimes I fall to pieces In the light sometimes In the light sometimes
Grinding up gravel to spit at the sun Simple affection can never return Swallow my secrets Protecting my home Building my own
In the light sometimes I fall to pieces In the dark sometimes I can’t believe it You think I forgive you but I never mean it In the light sometimes In the light sometimes
In the light sometimes I fall to pieces In the dark sometimes I can’t believe it You think I forgive you but I never mean it In the light sometimes In the light sometimes
My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!
Join The Correspondent’s Clubon Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)
During the pandemic I remember reading an article about how one of the ways living in close proximity was changing peoples’ relationships was the lack of literal perspective. Standing close to loved ones all the time, rarely getting a chance to step back and see them as a whole person. It has an effect.
I’ve been pondering this while making and sharing music videos for my new album this year. I make my own videos: setting up lights, tripod and everything else I need to shoot, doing my best to make my weird and wonderful ideas come to life on screen, then editing them afterwards.
It’s well-discussed that working with constraints makes you more creative. 3 minutes to tell a story in sound and song. Small budgets, basic equipment, small spaces. Using only what you already have.
But it can be hard to get the feet and legs in. It can be hard to show the full person.
“Emotional Tourist” was shot in my front room, in front of a variety of backdrops. I set the camera up behind my armchair to get a decent shot, but didn’t want to show the mess on both sides, plus my backdrop didn’t go down to the ground. No feet shots possible. Dagnabbit.
I tried to change this for “Space, Man”, hiring a studio in town so I could put the camera a bit further back. But the backdrop wasn’t wide enough again, so you didn’t get to see the white socks I wore to match my inflatable space rocket. I tried.
While filming for “The Life Of The Party”, there was a weird issue with the stage lighting. I couldn’t figure out why it was giving me a totally blue, blown-out face if the camera was set back too far.
If I was calmly filming someone else I might have been able to work it out; dressed in a party frock grasping a ukulele, I did what I always do…my best.
For “In The Light Sometimes” I decided to show the whole picture.
Last summer I spent 54 days in my attic home studio, The Launchpad, recording my new album “House Of Stories”. I decided to show the whole space; the constraints I turned into creativity.
It was only after I hung my new action camera off the attic latch for the top-down shot that I realised my feet would be on video for once. And, though my slipper game is STRONG, I decided to be dead posh for once and change into some nice shoes for the occasion.
This song makes me cry. I hope you enjoy the video.
My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!
Join The Correspondent’s Clubon Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)
Last week I wrote about how underground punk legend John Otway’s books and film have been inspiring me to cook up the most outlandish plan of my musical life so far.
I’m here today to tell you all about the logical next step in the story of my illogical, 100% independent music career.
If you’ve known me for any length of time, you know there is no “Team Penfriend”.
From writing, producing, arranging, recording and performing the songs on my albums (with ace guest musicians drafted in when needed), to laying out the text on the CDs and vinyl packaging, writing and designing the lyric books, shooting and editing my videos, building and maintaining my website, releasing the albums on my micro-label My Big Sister Recordings with all that entails, and walking your merch orders up to my local Post Office twice a week – hi, I am Team Penfriend.
With honourable mention to my beloved Tim who is very supportive and helpful (if you’ve ever seen one of my ads, he set that up), I’m the one running the whole shebang.
This is not a brag: I say this only to underline the absolute ridiculousness of my last two album releases going into the Official UK Albums Chart. Not the “glitter-grunge synth’n’guitar alt-pop” albums chart, but the full-on, overall, why-the-heck-are-ABBA-always-still-in-there? albums chart.
I love ABBA…but, come on!
In 2021, music fans like (and possibly including) YOU put my first Penfriend album “Exotic Monsters” at #24 in the overall chart and #5 in the Independent Albums Chart – the chart for artists on independent labels, from big ones you’ve heard of to very tiny one-person ones mine.
In 2023, music fans like (and possibly including) YOU put “One In A Thousand” (my collaboration album with Rat from Ned’s Atomic Dustbin) at #14 in the overall chart and #1 in the Independent Album Chart. NUMBER FREAKING ONE!
These numbers blow me away. Look what we did!
Between my efforts to make and share music and your absolutely stunning generosity and support, we can do huge things. And over the two years since my last album release I’ve received so many messages from people like (and possibly including) YOU telling me what fun it was to stick it to “the man”, and asking when are we going to do it all again?
Honestly, I talked myself out of writing this email a few times. And then I realised I was letting them win! These big powerful structures that we’re not meant to be cheeky towards, let alone pay a visit to. These places that aren’t meant for the likes of us, because we didn’t do it their way.
I was too busy making seven albums to schmooze the right people, and I don’t regret my decisions for a minute.
OK…we had a Top 30 album together. That was wonderful. Thank you!
Then we had a Top 20 album together. Unbelievable. Thank you!
Where do YOU think we should go next?
…
…
Top 10. I’m whispering. Should I say it out loud? Should I shout it?!
Could we? Shall we?
WHY try and get in the charts?
Because it’s FUN. Because it’s FUN-NY. Because I’m sick of only the people with huge amounts of financial backing getting all the things – radio play, multi-page magazine spreads, TV slots. Because it’s an example of the sort of big things I think we’re all individually capable of if we decide we’re going to go for it. Because it shows what a passionate community of music lovers care about, and thrusts it, albeit briefly, to sit alongside the mainstream.
Because it shouldn’t be possible for a 43-year old solo artist making music in a colourful Nottingham attic to have her name and made-up record label listed alongside ABBA.
Even though, wait, yes I THOUGHT so… (spot the ABBA Gold): 2023:
2021:
I don’t make music for the mainstream, I make it for you. And both times I’ve had albums in the Top 40 it’s been a victory for every single person who voted with their purchase of an album made by hand with loving care.
So, how do we get a Top 10 album in 2025?
This is the thing. Even though passive streams of big famous songs on playlists count as 1 chart sale per 1500 plays (!), and my streaming numbers are utter garbage because I refuse to advertise giant companies that don’t treat me well, this idea doesn’t feel thatridiculous.
Around 7,500 UK residents currently hang out on my big mailing list. And another 270 brilliant people are here. Hi!
So far, we have clocked up around 1400 chart-eligible sales from pre-orders of “House Of Stories”.
Thank you!
To have a chance of getting into the Top 40, we need to find loving homes for another 1500 copies of the new record in the next FOUR weeks.
To get into the Top 10, it’s another 3000 copies on top of that.
Is this totally ridiculous, or is it a fun idea?
There are enough of us here to make this happen, even without the help of other people around the internet. But you know I love creating experiences around my album releases, so I’ll be busy with blog posts, videos and live events over the next few weeks for all to enjoy. I hope you’ll join me!
“House Of Stories” is an album that celebrates age, experience and personal power. In the 20 years since I wrote the first two songs that appeared on my debut album (“I Am” and “ghostsandshadows”), my life has completely transformed.
From strumming my guitar on a bed squashed into the corner of a tiny bedroom in a dirty shared house in South London to making music and videos in my colourful attic home studio in Nottingham, with all the adventures I went on in-between, making the songs I wanted to make sound exactly how I wanted them to and finding creative ways to share them with you has been utterly life-changing.
Taking my music projects into my own hands was a necessity from the start – with no manager / label / agent, no industry help of any kind (moral or financial!), I have always funded everything I’ve made through freelance work and huge amounts of support from music fans crowdfunding and pre-ordering my albums.
I’m so grateful for what I’ve managed to build with your help. Thank you.
The second verse of the title track goes like this:
“Trapped in our warm bodies Still brimming with hope Reaching the highest places We think we can go”
In 16 years of releasing music online I’ve learned that interesting things can happen when I spend my time in positive, generous ways. But even greater things can happen when you decide on a destination.
I’ve decided.
I’ll leave you with this helpful quote by Normal Vincent Peale, the writer of “The Power Of Positive Thinking”:
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars”.
You may recall I have a rocket ship at my disposal.
My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!
Join The Correspondent’s Clubon Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)
Tap to get your FREE 12-track album + 31-page PDF zine of stories, photographs and artwork here.
My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Music fans got it to #2 in the Official UK Independent Album Chart in April 2025. Bonkers!
Join The Correspondent’s Club on Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)
Listen to my first Penfriend album “Exotic Monsters” and browse my back catalogue here.
If you make things too – or want to know more about the creative process – I’m sharing thoughtful weekly essays here on my experiments in art, music and life on Substack (and I won’t be at all offended if you prefer to read my stuff there rather than on this absolutely gorgeous website).
Chat with me on Bluesky, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.
