What rhymes with “bop hen”?!!

We’re really going for it this time…

Last week I wrote about how underground punk legend John Otway’s books and film have been inspiring me to cook up the most outlandish plan of my musical life so far.

I’m here today to tell you all about the logical next step in the story of my illogical, 100% independent music career.

If you’ve known me for any length of time, you know there is no “Team Penfriend”.

From writing, producing, arranging, recording and performing the songs on my albums (with ace guest musicians drafted in when needed), to laying out the text on the CDs and vinyl packaging, writing and designing the lyric books, shooting and editing my videos, building and maintaining my website, releasing the albums on my micro-label My Big Sister Recordings with all that entails, and walking your merch orders up to my local Post Office twice a week – hi, I am Team Penfriend.

With honourable mention to my beloved Tim who is very supportive and helpful (if you’ve ever seen one of my ads, he set that up), I’m the one running the whole shebang.

This is not a brag: I say this only to underline the absolute ridiculousness of my last two album releases going into the Official UK Albums Chart. Not the “glitter-grunge synth’n’guitar alt-pop” albums chart, but the full-on, overall, why-the-heck-are-ABBA-always-still-in-there? albums chart.

I love ABBA…but, come on!

In 2021, music fans like (and possibly including) YOU put my first Penfriend album “Exotic Monsters” at #24 in the overall chart and #5 in the Independent Albums Chart – the chart for artists on independent labels, from big ones you’ve heard of to very tiny one-person ones mine.

In 2023, music fans like (and possibly including) YOU put “One In A Thousand” (my collaboration album with Rat from Ned’s Atomic Dustbin) at #14 in the overall chart and #1 in the Independent Album Chart. NUMBER FREAKING ONE!

These numbers blow me away. Look what we did!

Between my efforts to make and share music and your absolutely stunning generosity and support, we can do huge things. And over the two years since my last album release I’ve received so many messages from people like (and possibly including) YOU telling me what fun it was to stick it to “the man”, and asking when are we going to do it all again?

Honestly, I talked myself out of writing this email a few times. And then I realised I was letting them win! These big powerful structures that we’re not meant to be cheeky towards, let alone pay a visit to. These places that aren’t meant for the likes of us, because we didn’t do it their way.

I was too busy making seven albums to schmooze the right people, and I don’t regret my decisions for a minute.

OK…we had a Top 30 album together. That was wonderful. Thank you!

Then we had a Top 20 album together. Unbelievable. Thank you!

Where do YOU think we should go next?

…

Top 10. I’m whispering. Should I say it out loud? Should I shout it?!

Could we? Shall we?

WHY try and get in the charts?

Because it’s FUN. Because it’s FUN-NY. Because I’m sick of only the people with huge amounts of financial backing getting all the things – radio play, multi-page magazine spreads, TV slots. Because it’s an example of the sort of big things I think we’re all individually capable of if we decide we’re going to go for it. Because it shows what a passionate community of music lovers care about, and thrusts it, albeit briefly, to sit alongside the mainstream.

Because it shouldn’t be possible for a 43-year old solo artist making music in a colourful Nottingham attic to have her name and made-up record label listed alongside ABBA.

Even though, wait, yes I THOUGHT so… (spot the ABBA Gold):

2023:

2021:

I don’t make music for the mainstream, I make it for you. And both times I’ve had albums in the Top 40 it’s been a victory for every single person who voted with their purchase of an album made by hand with loving care.

So, how do we get a Top 10 album in 2025?

This is the thing. Even though passive streams of big famous songs on playlists count as 1 chart sale per 1500 plays (!), and my streaming numbers are utter garbage because I refuse to advertise giant companies that don’t treat me well, this idea doesn’t feel thatridiculous.

Around 7,500 UK residents currently hang out on my big mailing list. And another 270 brilliant people are here. Hi!

So far, we have clocked up around 1400 chart-eligible sales from pre-orders of “House Of Stories”.

Thank you!

To have a chance of getting into the Top 40, we need to find loving homes for another 1500 copies of the new record in the next FOUR weeks.

To get into the Top 10, it’s another 3000 copies on top of that.

Is this totally ridiculous, or is it a fun idea?

There are enough of us here to make this happen, even without the help of other people around the internet. But you know I love creating experiences around my album releases, so I’ll be busy with blog posts, videos and live events over the next few weeks for all to enjoy. I hope you’ll join me!

“House Of Stories” is an album that celebrates age, experience and personal power. In the 20 years since I wrote the first two songs that appeared on my debut album (“I Am” and “ghostsandshadows”), my life has completely transformed.

From strumming my guitar on a bed squashed into the corner of a tiny bedroom in a dirty shared house in South London to making music and videos in my colourful attic home studio in Nottingham, with all the adventures I went on in-between, making the songs I wanted to make sound exactly how I wanted them to and finding creative ways to share them with you has been utterly life-changing.

Taking my music projects into my own hands was a necessity from the start – with no manager / label / agent, no industry help of any kind (moral or financial!), I have always funded everything I’ve made through freelance work and huge amounts of support from music fans crowdfunding and pre-ordering my albums.

I’m so grateful for what I’ve managed to build with your help. Thank you.

More than anything, I know “House Of Stories” is my best album yet, and I’m excited for you to hear it.

The second verse of the title track goes like this:

“Trapped in our warm bodies
Still brimming with hope
Reaching the highest places
We think we can go”

In 16 years of releasing music online I’ve learned that interesting things can happen when I spend my time in positive, generous ways. But even greater things can happen when you decide on a destination.

I’ve decided.

I’ll leave you with this helpful quote by Normal Vincent Peale, the writer of “The Power Of Positive Thinking”:

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars”.

You may recall I have a rocket ship at my disposal.

See you on the moon?

Love,
Laura xxx
https://shop.penfriend.rocks/collections/penfriend-house-of-stories

Thank you for visiting!

Tap to get your FREE 12-track album + 31-page PDF zine of stories, photographs and artwork here.

My new Penfriend album “House Of Stories” is available to order NOW on super limited vinyl, CDs and KiT hybrid digital albums, with accompanying tees, hoodies and books. Get two songs in your inbox immediately, with another every month til the release date in April (before anyone else).

Join The Correspondent’s Club on Patreon to receive quarterly bundles of art and members-only music plus extra perks + immediate access to my entire digital archive (digital and analogue memberships available)

Listen to my first Penfriend album “Exotic Monsters” and browse my back catalogue here.

If you make things too – or want to know more about the creative process – I’m sharing thoughtful weekly essays here on my experiments in art, music and life on Substack (and I won’t be at all offended if you prefer to read my stuff there rather than on this absolutely gorgeous website).

Chat with me on Bluesky, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

See you soon xo

PS yes, my songs are available everywhere else you listen to music online.
Just search for Penfriend, She Makes War and Obey Robots.

You could even subscribe here to send a message to the algorithm overlords that Penfriend rocks!

Better still

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I blame John Otway

by Laura Kidd Essays Letterbox Music News

Four weeks from today I am releasing my sixth solo album “House Of Stories”: my celebration of age, experience and (hopefully) wisdom.

Helping me face up to ghosts from my past, the new songs are for anyone who’s felt trapped in the wrong four walls – literal or metaphorical, caused by others or self-imposed.

My musician pal Charley Stone¹ visited the Launchpad a few weeks ago to help me create a full-length album video and audio podumentary. Among her insightful comments and questions she described some of the tracks on “House Of Stories” as “soothing”, which I took as a great compliment.

I will never pretend everything’s okay in my songs, but the more music I make the more I want to leave you feeling hopeful and included. I love creating experiences within, around and leading up to my music releases (hence these posts), and I’ll always keep inviting you to get as involved as you want to.

Speaking of which…

Last year I shared a video where I decided to think Very Big Indeed², declaring that in the year 2027 I will be headlining Shepherd’s Bush Empire.

Titled “It’s time to set some ridiculous goals”, I made it to choose optimism over pessimism, to dream big instead of opting for pragmatism all the time. Not sitting back and wishing for things to happen to me, but directing my efforts in exciting directions that seem out of reach, so I can work very hard to try and get there.

In the comments, Correspondent’s Club member David told me about a fellow musician called John Otway³.

“The list of things he’s made happen in his career, by pretty much just saying he’d do it, is clear evidence you can make amazing things happen.”

I was excited. I devoured everything I could find online about John, watched his Netflix film, ordered both of his books (and immediately read them both) and even sent him a friendly email to say thank you for the inspiration.

And so it’s John Otway’s (and David’s) fault that I’m gearing up to unveil the most outlandish plan I’ve cooked up so far in my 28 years of making music.

I’ll tell you more next Friday.

To tide you over…I made a rare appearance on a music podcast! Thanks to sharing my music and writing on Substack, I made contact with Tim and Chris at New Sounds Union, who asked brilliant questions and made me feel right at home (I find these things nerve-racking when I’m not doing the editing).

Titled “How an independent artist tops the charts”, my episode is available here. I talk about how 10 years in the school orchestra led me towards arranging and producing my own songs, why I think doing stuff and keeping going is most important and how amazing music fans are (thank you).

Back at Penfriend HQ, the HOS goodies are starting to arrive – I love this part of releasing albums!

** VINYLLLLLL **

The four publicly available vinyl colours are looking absolutely stunning!

** CLOTHING **

The sample tees and hoodies were printed this week by local Notts printer Phil at Whitewater Design & Print and I’m just glad I don’t have to choose between them…thanks to Jessica Wild and Daniel Catt for the beautiful designs!

I won’t be printing many more tees / hoodies than have been ordered by the end of next weekend, so make sure you secure your size ASAP (XS-4XL available).

** KiT Hybrid Digital Format**

The KiT samples arrived from Seoul this week, coinciding with a mention of “House Of Stories” in Music Week!

It’s true, HOS will be the first completely independently released chart-reporting KiT album in the UK…very exciting.

Watch my short explainer video and get your copy here.

** AND… **

• I’m expecting the CDs to arrive next week ready for signing, hooray!

• The 21-track demos and rarities collection is being printed as I type…

• I’m having a blast putting the lyric, photos and story book together, and there are only 100 copies left at the time of writing.

** FINALLY… **

Calling Nottingham / adjacent / further afield adventurous gig lovers – the last 21 tickets for my birthday shindig on 31st May at Rough Trade Nottingham are available here.

I’m looking forward to sharing my newest, most ambitious adventure with you next Friday.

Big love and thanks,
Laura xxx

Whose excellent album “Here Comes The Actual Band” is available here.
↩︎
Watch that here.
↩︎
Get inspired by John here. Warning: reading this website, buying his books and watching his film might make you do something OUTLANDISH.
↩︎

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Sometimes it’s better to wait

by Laura Kidd Creativity Essays Letterbox Music News

Ten days ago I wrote 1,208 rather self-pitying words about my situation as an independent musician. I was tired, perhaps a little burned out, and feeling overwhelmed by the big structures making everything so much more difficult every time I do this (the existence of streaming, rising costs of producing physical goods etc etc blah blah blah).

To be fair to me, I was waking up every day at 6.30am with a clench in my stomach, thoughts racing. I’d lie there and decide right away the day ahead was absolutely impossible. I could only fail, so what was the point in trying to get through my To Do list?

I’d close my eyes and hope for sleep to return, waking late and annoyed with myself for missing the gym – again.

Luckily for me – and for you – this meant I didn’t have the time or energy to return to those words, shape them into something more coherent and share them with you. A week later I scanned through them and realised they were working-out-words, not words to be read by others, and I blushed a little at the self-indulgence of considering publishing them in the first place.

This year I’ve tried to get into a regular practice of writing more not necessarily to share more writing, but to do more thinking.

Writing is how I figure stuff out, which means there are no wasted words, but when I see those words piling up in my Scrivener sidebar a part of me (the part that also panics about money all the time) wants to make the most of them, because writing is also how I intrigue, tempt and persuade people to listen to the music I make.

Creating albums is my main thing, but if I hadn’t worked writing into the heart of it all I wouldn’t be making such a go of it, I’m sure.

As someone who appreciates honesty on the internet, I don’t want to hide my tough times under a fake sheen. I’ve always made a point of sharing my process as a self-taught music / video / audio producer, because I want others to see an example of the possibilities available if they put the time and effort into the thing they really want to do.

I don’t believe in only sharing happy days and successes, because it paints a warped picture of things, but I decided long ago that it’s important to me to bring optimism to the online spaces I spend time in. And when I’m writing to supportive music fans, busy with their own trials and tribulations, health issues, financial struggles and all the rest, why on earth would I want to complain directly to them about how hard it is for me sometimes?

At the start of this year I decided to try out this “word of the year” thing I’ve seen people talking about. The first word that came to mind is “gratitude”, and the moment it flashed up in my brain hole I experienced the resistance my 20’s and probably 30’s self would have felt if someone had suggested it.

“Urgh gross what?”

I took that as a sign to face up to my discomfort, and to use this word to try and reframe my world. It’s been very helpful so far.

My feelings do matter – as do yours – but whatever I’m going through I am healthy, I am well and I am living my absolute dream of creating whatever the hell music I want and figuring out ways to send it out into the world to find the people who will love it the most.

Feeling the feelings and writing the writing are essential tasks on my busy To Do list, of course, but sometimes it’s better wait and make sure I’m showing up with something interesting / useful / not too whiny.

I am free, I am grateful, and I can write overly long sentences whenever I like.

Thank you for reading – I’m grateful for you, too.

Love,
Laura xxx

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“The Life Of The Party” – Penfriend

by Laura Kidd House Of Stories Letterbox Music News Releases Singles

Get this song PLUS THREE more immediately when you order your copy of my new album “House Of Stories”, out 18^th April 2025.

The album is available on super limited edition vinyl colours, signed CD and KiT hybrid digital format, with tees, hoodies and hardback books to accompany the music
https://shop.penfriend.rocks/collections/penfriend-house-of-stories

A song for the introverts, for the bruised hearts, for the blushing ones fed up with holding it all inside.

Sometimes the past won’t let us go, but if we turn and face it, we can take action to dull the blows. We can heal ourselves.

This is a call to tell our stories – to ourselves and others. Our voices matter.

I wrote this song in one day in October 2023. Sometimes a song falls from the sky, and my job is to catch hold of it and nurture it.

This song helped heal me. Now it’s yours.

THANK YOU.

VIDEO CREDITS
Directed and shot by Laura Kidd at The Carousel, Nottingham, and edited in The Launchpad. Additional filming and warm support by Tim Bailey.

SONG CREDITS
Written, produced, performed, and recorded by Laura Kidd in The Launchpad, Nottingham.
Piano by Jay Chakravorty.
Drums by Max Saidi.
Mixed by Chris Sheldon.
Mastered by Katie Tavini.

HUGEST THANKS to The Correspondent’s Club. I can’t do this without you xxx

LYRICS

When did the light fade out of your eyes?
When did the life drain out of mine?
Now when the storm comes I’m ready to run
How do you explain what we’ve become?

Just wait
Don’t leave yet
Don’t second guess

I’m not the life of the party
I’m the light, I’m the light, I’m the light

I dream of a birthday – on my birthday
Chocolate cake in my hands – don’t take my hand
The gentlest fiction for my crash land

It shouldn’t surprise me – you surprise me
The mess that we’re in – this mess we’re in
Cos if it’s not raining it’s threatening – is threatening

Don’t leave
You’re never known me
Just listen

I’m not the life of the party
I’m the light, I’m the light, I’m the light

Where did the love go out of your kiss?
Why does it always come back to this?

I’m not the life of the party
I’m the light, I’m the light
I’m not the life of the party
I’m the light, I’m the light
I’m not the life of the party
I’m the light, I’m the light
I’m the light

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My #1 album is two years old…and I have something to tell you

by Laura Kidd House Of Stories Letterbox Music News

It’s two years since my collaboration album “One In A Thousand” topped the Official UK Independent Albums Chart, and I have something to tell you.

Something strange and magical happens when people come together to make music. There’s an unexplainable connection that means the songs written could never have existed without exactly those people being involved, at exactly that time and in exactly that way.

That’s what Obey Robots is. And here’s what we made.

How it happened

I’ve been a solo artist since 2010, with my sixth album due out six weeks today. After playing in lots of bands as a teen and in my 20’s, I decided I wanted to explore my own inner world without compromising with multiple other people, and it’s been a really fun creative adventure.

In 2019 Rat (the guitarist from Ned’s Atomic Dustbin) came across the video for my song “Drown Me Out” on YouTube. He was spending some time recording his guitar ideas with Miles Hunt of The Wonder Stuff, and asked Miles if he’d heard of me. “She’s a friend”¹, M replied, before introducing us by email.

As you can imagine, I was beyond delighted to discover that the songs I’d been putting out into the world since 2010 had impressed one of my favourite guitarists. We decided to see what we could make together and, building on his brilliant source material, I wrote and produced the songs that became “One In A Thousand”, emailing each new finished section to Rat over email to ever more enthusiastic responses.

Fun fact: I’ll never forget cutting up the “Porcupine” guitar riff, layering instruments and vocals to make a spiky song and then completely forgetting to send it to Rat for a few weeks. But it was worth the wait

How it went

Every time I finish an album I hope that it will go and do *something* in the world, but I never know what that *something* will be.

“One In A Thousand” was the first time I totally gave up on trying to get reviews and radio play, because I knew that talking directly to music fans was all I was interested in spending my energy on. And after his major label experiences, I know Rat was excited by the DIY nature of the way I’ve been doing things since first sharing my music online in 2009. He was fully on board, and I worked very hard with the release to make sure his trust in me was not misplaced!

I hoped “One In A Thousand” would have an impact, but we could never have predicted the warm wave of support that we received. October 2022 to March 2023 was a very exciting time, and that’s all down to the generous support of music fans.

Our totally independently produced and released record went to #14 in the Official UK Albums Chart and #1 in the Official Independent Albums Chart – and we have the trophies to prove it.

What the heck?!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH

So, what’s next?

Every time someone asks when the next Obey Robots album is coming out, or when we’re going to tour, it’s a huge compliment. Thank you.

It feels like the right moment to say that neither of these things are currently happening. We never planned to tour, and we never planned to start a band.

Rat is developing some music with another collaborator, which I’m excited to cheer on from the sidelines, and as you may have picked up from this post, my whole life is about making albums into the long-distant future.

My new album “House Of Stories” is out on 18^th April, and I’ve been releasing a new single and video every month.

If you’re a “Porcupine” fan, start with “Space, Man”

And as for Obey Robots: never say never, but we honestly have no plans for anything at the moment except a regular video chat to stay in touch.

We still have CDs, a few cassettes and the last tees and hoodies in my shop.

We both hope “One In A Thousand” continues to find its audience into the future. I’m so proud of what we made. Massive thanks always to Milo for putting us in touch, and to Rat for the YouTube binge that brought us together, and the wonderful guitar demos!

Love,
Laura xxx

PS get your copy of “House Of Stories” here. SIX WEEKS WOO

I met Miles in 2011 after a gig where I sang backing vocals for another musical hero, Carina Round. A real pinch-me-am-I-dreaming? moment. He and Erica Nockalls took a copy of my debut album home and have stayed in touch ever since. They say never meet your heroes, but some of them are absolutely wonderful humans. ↩︎

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And the crowd goes wild!

by Laura Kidd House Of Stories Letterbox Process

July 2024. An attic in Nottingham, UK. I’m way overdue recording my album, and I’m feeling determined.

One afternoon, in the middle of working out guitars parts for a song called “In The Light Sometimes”, a new picked pattern emerges. I feel a surge of energy. I’m excited.

Is this a new song, or just a distraction?

Years ago I heard Neil Young talk on a podcast about how when a song idea presents itself, you should drop everything and work on it. I remember scoffing at the time – easy for you to say, I thought.

I’m literally sitting at my computer with my guitar in my hand, time set aside to create a new collection of songs.

As my favourite quote goes, “Inspiration finds you working” (thanks, Picasso).

What have I got to lose?

-> And the crowd goes wild…

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Penfriend LIVE online: Wed 5th March, 8pm (UK time)

by Laura Kidd Letterbox Live performances Music News

Tap here to set up a reminder, watch on the night or watch anytime afterwards x

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I made this to make you smile

by Laura Kidd Creativity Essays House Of Stories Letterbox Music News Productivity Space, Man

I made this to make you smile.

I made this to provide 4 minutes of escape from stress and worry about life, the universe and everything.

I made this to remind myself not to take everything so seriously all the time.

My new song “Space, Man” isn’t a silly song. Nor was my last song “Emotional Tourist”. And nor was my Obey Robots song “Porcupine”.

I don’t write silly songs, but I do choose to have fun when I present things to you. I want to give you something different, memorable and meaningful.

I really did make this to make you smile.

I had a wobble on Monday, halfway through editing this new video. If only I looked cool, or could dance, or had a team of professionals sorting out interesting outfits and dramatic lighting, or [insert any number of random, out-of-reach expensive items here]…if only I could just do more to send my songs out into the world.

What do I mean by more, exactly?

Every time I make something new there’s the possibility of infinite reward when I share it online. Hundreds of views could turn into thousands, or tens of thousands. If I pick the right thumbnail, or learn exactly how the algorithms work on every platform, or say exactly the right thing at the right moment, the music I care so much about sharing could leap forth from my laptop and become a beloved fixture in the lives of music fans around the world.

The possibilities are tremendously exciting, potentially life-changing. Less grind, less hustle. Money in the bank. A slightly easier life?

I try to stay positive, without setting myself up for too much of a fall. If/when I don’t get 100K views in 5 minutes (!), I have to be okay with that. I have to be able to keep going.

I’ve done this for long enough to know that simply getting to keep doing it is the real goal.

And it’s certainly not just about finding new people to listen. My “big” mailing list has around 9000 subscribers, and my Substack list has around 200, and sometimes it feels just as difficult to successfully invite these people to click “play”.

That’s ok. It’s humbling. You have your own, way more important, stuff going on.

Just know that, even when I doubt myself, I will keep trying. Even when I receive nasty comments and unpleasant emails (and oh, I do), I will keep sharing music, sharing videos and sharing my words.

Every time I make a collection of songs I put everything on the line to create the best experiences I can for music fans.

You are never obliged, but you are always invited.

My new video cost around £200 to make: studio hire, two costumes, props and lunch. I did my own hair and makeup, set up my own shots and didn’t try to look cool or try to dance. The only other human involved was my lovely husband Tim, who helped with the moving shots and tightened the legs of my inflatable costume to stop everything from going floppy.

Talk about infinite reward: I got to spend a Tuesday being silly with my favourite person making something to make you smile.

I hope you enjoy “Space, Man”.

Love,
Laura xxx

PS get “Space, Man” + two more songs immediately when you order my new album “House Of Stories”, out 25th April 2025. Only available direct from me, DIY 4EVA x

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“Space, Man” – Penfriend

by Laura Kidd House Of Stories Letterbox Music News Releases Singles Space, Man

It could have been so great. They could have been heroes. But no. The internet made us disconnected, but they’re on another planet.

Maybe it was always like this, only now we can tune in at any time of day and hear the details. We watch, open-mouthed, as they get away with it. Criminal activity, noxious views, obscene gestures – anything goes when you have all the money in the world and a platform to spew from.

Living in a permanent state of cognitive dissonance is exhausting. Let’s disobey, let off steam, take care of each other and never, ever, give up.

VIDEO CREDITS
Directed and shot by Laura Kidd at The Createry, Nottingham, edited in The Launchpad. Additional filming and alien wrangling by Tim Bailey.

SONG CREDITS
Written, produced, performed, and recorded by Laura Kidd in The Launchpad, Nottingham.
Drums by Max Saidi.
Mixed by Chris Sheldon. Mastered by Katie Tavini.

HUGEST THANKS to The Correspondent’s Club. I can’t do this without you xxx

LYRICS

Spaceman
Floating in your tin can
Furious at everyone
Will you go straight for the gun?
Coulda woulda shoulda done
Still you go
Straight for the gun

Are we ecstatic or just numb?
Pushing through the bodies as we run
Boil the water slowly so we forget to scream
Pick out the wrong side
So we can just fight

Spacequeen
Louder than you should have been
Blowing it to smithereens
Still you go
Straight for the gun
“Unbelievable scenes”
Cos you go
Straight for the gun

Are we ecstatic or just numb?
Pushing through the bodies as we run
Boil the water slowly so we forget to scream
Pick out the wrong side
So we can just fight

It’s too late
Let your lies drag you under
Tell me what you want now
Can you tell me?
Tell me what you want now
You’ve got nothing to say anyway
Tell me what you want now
It’s all so strange, strange, strange
Tell me what you want now
You’ve got nothing to say
Nothing to say
Nothing to say

Spaceman
Could have been the biggest bang
But you go
Straight for the gun
Are we ecstatic or just numb?
Pushing through the bodies as we run
Boil the water slowly so we forget to scream

Pick out the wrong side
So we can just fight
Pick out the wrong side
So we can just fight
Pick out the wrong side
So we can just fight

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Vibrating at a higher frequency…or just dreaming big?

by Laura Kidd Essays House Of Stories Letterbox Mindfulness Process

Before yesterday I’d never heard of Doechii.

Her Grammy acceptance speech showed up in my feed, so I looked her up. I read she’d risen to prominence after creating YouTube vlogs during the pandemic, so I went to her channel and tried to find her earliest video. My internet was being weird and just showed me this one.

She talks into her laptop, eating crisps, saying she’s just been fired from her job and she doesn’t care. She says she’s going to try and get an internship at a record label.

It’s not an interesting video on its own. She gives no context and no details. There’s no resolution, no takeaway. If you don’t know her, and you’re in an impatient mood, you’d likely shrug and say “and…?”

But that’s not the point – she wasn’t trying to “do” YouTube, she was documenting a real moment in her life, in real-time.

Five years on, Doechii has won a Grammy for best rap album, plus two MTV Video Music Awards, a BET Award, two Soul Train Music Awards and the Rising Star Award from Billboard Women in Music.

Five hours on from watching her video, I’d seen it pop up another 10 times around the internet.

Weird.

Two nights ago, I started reading “Manifest” by Roxie Nafousi, a cheerful orange hardback that’s been sitting on my To Read pile for a year. For whatever reason, it felt like the right moment to start making some changes. I read about the science of it, the quantum physics theory that we attract the energy we put out into the world. We have control over that – we can choose to vibrate at a higher frequency, to attract higher frequency things. We decide what we want to do, we put the work in, we vibrate.

Interesting.

Last night I dipped into my blog archives to try and find something well-written and timeless to share with you today¹. At random I picked out a piece I wrote in 2020.

Inspired by a podcast chat I’d had with comedian Bec Hill², I wrote about the need to zoom out from your current busy day-to-day work life to set goals beyond the old-you dream you’re currently maintaining.

A few months after our conversation was published, Bec was announced as the host of a new kids’ TV crafting show. It didn’t happen to her out of the blue – this is something she had decided she wanted, and had aimed her efforts towards. She was absolutely perfect for it, and did a great job.

Did I pick that blog post out because I’d already started vibrating at a higher frequency? (I didn’t see the date til I’d re-read the whole thing.)

Is that also why I suddenly heard about Doechii and found that particular video of hers from 5 years ago? (I don’t usually read up on the latest music news.)

Five years is a good block of time to measure things by.

In five years, Doechii went from being fired from a job she didn’t care about to winning a Grammy. (I look forward to learning more about that journey.)

Five years ago, I had recently ended my solo music project of 15 years to launch a new one, Penfriend, in May 2020. I was living in Bristol, recording music by myself in a colourful attic room. A pandemic was right around the corner. I’d started running twice a week, and was making my third and final bid to complete the famous Julia Cameron book “The Artist’s Way” (I did it!). I’d made a list of ways I wanted to change my life in this fresh new decade, and I was taking positive steps every day.

In February 2025, I’m working out of a different colourful attic studio in Nottingham. I’m still doing my thing, maintaining my 5-years-ago-me dream. And what a gift! It’s still one of my current-me dreams, but I know that I’ve put any future-me dreams on hold to keep the wheels turning.

It’s time to start making some new plans. It’s time to dream big again.

When violent, racist narcissists are causing chaos on the world stage, hurting people every day with their actions, it feels ridiculous to write about manifesting. When genocide is ignored, when our bodily autonomy is in the hands of powerful men, when trans rights are being erased, when tech bros have WAY too much influence and N*zi salutes go unpunished, it can feel redundant to focus on my own supposed day-to-day problems, let alone my future plans and dreams. What do I matter in all of this?

I’ll never forget a post I saw a few years ago that read: “It’s not manifesting: it’s white privilege”.

I’ll carry that reminder with me. It’s important to check ourselves.

But I’m still going to dream big, because I exist too, and I can be more helpful to everyone when I’m vibrating at a higher frequency.

I’m thankful for the life I manifested through my previous actions, thankful for those who make this possible by supporting independent music, and thankful to inspirational figures like Doechii, Roxie and Bec for reminding me that the future is full of possibility.

Where were you 5 years ago?
Where do you want to be 5 years from now?

Let’s dream big together. Let’s take care of each other.

Have a wonderful week.

Love,
Laura xxx

Check out Doechii’s work here, Roxie Nafousi’s work here and Bec Hill’s work here.

I failed. I found two fatal flaws with my idea of sharing that older piece with you:

1) It contains a paragraph about a recently disgraced author which is central to the point I’m making, and he can absolutely do one.

2) I’d somehow confused the words “infinite” and “infinitesimal”, which are basically opposites, and the sting of embarrassment is too fresh in my mind to consider reposting it.

Oh, the shame.
↩︎
Listen to my conversation with Bec here. ↩︎

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